Riders on the Storm
Part of it won't go away, but then it's always good when something nice is chosen to stay. So we find ourselves once more at the wheel, squeezing the pierced pedal to the custom steel in the second racing game I've ever seriously played. Need for Speed Underground 2 is what its predecessor has been and then some, so how could I let myself out of the loop and not play this one as well?
Here's what this be like. I have this urge to possess a cool car and tune it out to draw attention, in order to compensate for something, if you know what I mean, sexually speaking, of course. I also have the certainty that I'll never be able to afford a ten second car, much less customize it into something really cool. I'm a fucking geek who can barely afford dirty magazines and napkins to wipe himself after with, I'm cool to the extent that I can bite off my own toe-nails and imaginative enough to wear matching shoes, most of the time, anyway. So I'm only left with the digital bath of altered realities in which I become what other people say is cool: not me!
That'z My Name
Meet me, the champion from the north, starting out again in Bay-View City, looking for more fame and thrills, backed up by this hot bitch with huge tits that I'll eventually marry in order to be able to add the ultimate piece of
tuning to my car: tin cans on strings tied to my carbon-fiber rear bumper.
This time there's a little bit more happening in the game, it's something like a story, but it's not all that good, though it'll motivate your average gamer to pursue something more than just customizing their ride.
Drama, betrayal, deceit, romance and tire smoke, let the fun begin!
The in-game menu interaction is less important now, most of the action takes place on the road, you roam Bay-View city in a GTA-like approach to get into races and participate at special events. Special shops are spread throughout the city in which you get around by having this map that really wouldn't help much hadn't it been for the GPS system you could activate in order to be guided to interesting locations.
Opponents are marked on the map as well, neat rides you can challenge to an outrun race and win some bank. For each four opponents you defeat in a row, a unique upgrade is provided for your car. You know, hoods, spoilers, wide body kits, engine stuff and more. This is not really necessary in order to finish the game, but they are great opportunities to unlock special parts otherwise not available in shops.
The Celebration Song
Most of the cars from NFSU 1 make a return for the better, and again I have found the Mazda MX-5 to be one of the best cars. Some new cars like the Audi TT and Mazda RX-8 made me wet my pants with satisfaction, and then SUVs came along and I just lost it. I maxed everything out on my pearlescent pink Hummer 2, and just cruised the streets at 40 km/h, with the EA Trax turned up to the max
Speaking of which, EA Trax are getting better and better, with special tracks being exclusively created for their games. In NFSU 2 for example, Snoop Dog teams up with Jim Fucking Morrison and just lets it rip in one of the best songs ever featured in a game: Riders on the Storm. And then some other guys do a great job as well, but you'll find out more by yourselves, the music is good, enough said.
Crashing Foreign Cars
EA's new take on street racing is much more clever and varied. We have sprint and circuit races which pretty much speak for themselves. Drag races are always nice and are my favorites, but nothing's changed here either.
The drifts however are different now, because classic drift races pit you up against three real opponents you race with, and then there's the downhill drift. More points are scored in this one, as the descending road increases drifting speed, and you get extra points for passing traffic really close, very spectacular on some occasions.
URL races are high speed circuit tracks that come in pairs or in threes, and you have to earn the most points to win them. They also pay off the best, but take the most time to complete, so there's your balance, I guess. Whatever, more money, more body parts, right?
Street X are another new addition where you have to race three other mad men in a drift like circuit, with very tight corners but the stability control is activated.
SUVs have their own races: circuits, sprints and drifts, none of them too spectacular, but then again owning a neat SUV is extraordinary enough.
Back on a Mission
Just like in NFSU 1 you can appear on magazine covers, and even DVD covers. Win enough races and you can attract sponsors, which make you sign a contract that obligates you to win a number of races, and in return you get some money and a free car. Like I said, there are a lot of cars in this game, and money will rarely be a problem, so you'll afford to customize 6-7 rides no problem throughout the game. You can only have five cars at a time, one of which has to be a SUV so you can get that part done with as well.
You definitely have more tuning options now. You can add hydraulics to your car, nitrous oxide nozzles that "exhale" NOS for style, audio equipment, spinners, carbon fiber parts and more. The developers once claimed that you can make up more than 70 billion unique cars or something, so there you go, my uterus is ready for implantation. Hey man, I can see the G-spot in there: yo, what up, G?
The Death and Resurrection Show
I kinda wanted to shift the conversation towards clitorises now, but I still haven't told you about how the game actually plays or feels. Well, good. The car can kinda gets out of control without making much sense most of the times, but other than that, it's ok. Plus, I always had the feeling they never got the speed interpretation right. What I mean is going 60 Km/h kinda feels you're going 20, and then it all stops making sense because you just get lost at insane 300+Km/h speeds, which feels nice, but I'm not sure that's anywhere near realistic. Whatever, I don't care, this game has an arcade approach towards driving, which is just fine by me.
There's lots of content in this game I haven't covered in here, but that's ok, as this article isn't about much anyway. Well, it does have the word clitoris in it, but you have to play it to understand it. The clitoris, I mean. As for the game, it's just as good as the first one, and has more shit added on top of it, so it's enough for it to be a sequel, and a successful one at that. A little bit of story, some new cars and race modes, more tuning options and the GTA approach are all very nice things, enough to convince you to buy the game.
And if that's not enough, take a peek at this EA employee's spouse, who complains about the rough schedule they have to work in order to maintain their jobs. As a gamer and a guy that has never worked in the business, I could always tell the bitch that if her husband took a job as a slave, he might as well start acting as one. But then again, I'm kinda sympathetic of her situation and agree that in order to get these titles out on such tough schedules, big companies have to drive their employees hard in order to keep the electronic entertainment business on the rise. I don't want to start talking about that now, so I'm just going to wish you a juicy big clitoris... to, you know, have. Yeah, have, like in you have a cake. Here, have a clitoris. It's on me.